They say every person has that someone, ‘The One Who Got Away’ and I will say you’re the one I pushed so hard to be out of my life. I feel stupid now. We’re so young back then, a fool and immature and it is not easy to admit it but lately I think I’ve matured a bit because I can wholeheartedly admit them now or perhaps I’m just buying a scapegoat of my selfishness for letting you go after being so much pampered of your love.
I must be out of out of my mind that time, my self-centered power reached its 10th level, thinking I’m being suffocated of your presence and affection and wanting to breathe a new air. I still don’t want to regret my decision even if it all burned me in the end. Even if sometimes I can’t help to wish for a time machine and go back to that moment when we’re near our school clinic, where we have our last talked. That moment I almost failed to hold back my urge to hug and kiss away your sadness.
I know it been a history and this doesn’t matter anymore but even if it’s late I still want you to know that there is nothing wrong on how you love, in fact, most girls dreamed that kind of love. That love you gave me, the one I didn’t hesitate to abandon. Those warm ways of yours that make me feel more comfortable and open than to my best friend is what every girl wants their boyfriend to be. When you’re always more than willing to spend your time with me in the Library or anywhere I think suitable for me to sleep, even sometimes our bonding is I will ask you to play with my hair so that I can sleep even just a minutes, because you knew I stay up late again watching Kdrama or reading books. You are not UNDER THE SAYA, you are thoughtful and a great companion. Every girl will envy to a girl whose boyfriend is thoughtful as you. When you chose me over your jerk best friend for the sake of our relationship, though I knew it was wrong and you always take my side even we both know I’m making a none sense argument makes me realized that you’re my only ally that will not forsake me. And for proudly broadcasting my old blog even if it’s full of die hard wrong grammar and silly sentiments, I knew I used to have a fan in you, thank you. Every time you address me Police Senior Supt. in your letters made me thought how lucky I am for having you, supporting and giving me encouragement to believe that I can really achieve my dream. So when I decided to leave you I also lost my best friend, companion, number one ally, my only fan in writing and most ever loyal supporter.
Making a wrong move and decision are common to all of us. We all knew it but I just can’t understand why it has to be you, why it has to be our love, your love but God will not allow something to be done without a reason, without us growing and jotting down our lesson. Then everything made sense all the why’s has been answered. I understand it now. Why it has to happened? Why it has to be you? Because you are meant to be my reminder of how I should be loved, of how a man should love someone they want to grow old with. That I should not settle for something because it gives me electrify feelings but instead I should look into feeling that makes me warm and comfortable because that is the one that lasts. What we used to have can last if I only knew these things from the beginnings.
I also realized that sometimes the reason why God doesn’t grant us our prayers so easily is that when we get those things we want in a short span of time we tend to be dumb realizing we already have it and failed to cherish them. Just like you to me.
You might forever hate me for what I did and your perception to me may not change but that reasons are not strong enough for me to demolish your un-authorized stay here deep in my heart. What I’m saying is you will always have a place in my heart that I didn’t know and I don’t mean anything aside from what I say.
I’m fucking aware of the consequences of this open letter but I’m no longer a child to entertain every trouble who knocks on my doorstep. Should I wrap this to “Barney you” to make it worse? Lol. I wish you happiness and success in everything you do. Take care always.